I’m curious about why people refuse to do things that would get them better. I’m not talking about philosophical stuff, but the basics. Going to the doctor. Flossing teeth. Doing something about gnarly feet. Seriously, get an Amope.

I think we’re all guilty of it, believing we know better, thinking we’re taking a more noble route by grinning and bearing it. We aren’t. And that suffering — because that’s really what it is — can spread over to the people we love, watching us as we refuse to get better. By getting sober. By going to the doctor for the symptoms that persist and are now worse. By repeating behavior that keeps us stuck and sad and unhealthy.

Be it fear or self-sabotaging, it’s silly and we know it. And it’s time to do better so we can get better.

This isn’t about morality or judgment. Nope. There isn’t a standard everyone — or anyone — needs to meet. Absofuckinglutely not.

I am talking about the basics, though. Fact-based knowledge of shit we know we need to do and don’t, for whatever reason. And we will believe those reasons are valid, even if they come down to a simple, “I just don’t want to.”

Who doesn’t want to get better, though? Why do we normalize suffering? Ladies, I’m mostly talking to you. We get a lot of mis- and dis-information about what’s good for us and what isn’t. We will ignore science, which really cracks me up because — HELLO! — it’s effing science that has allowed us to live past the age of 30. But gawd forbid we respect that. No. Some YouTuber actually has the TRUTH and…please STFU. It’s a grift. And those kinds of grifts can put people into pine boxes.

Getting better is about opportunity. The opportunity we have to change and improve, and to be courageous enough to face the truth.

I admit, I regularly refuse to get dental x-rays because I don’t need one every single year when I’m getting my teeth cleaned every three months and nothing hurts or has changed. I like to spread out my radiation, thank you very much. Mammograms get first seat for that. I’ll finally relent to the dentist every other year, just to stop being asked.

Mamms happen every year, or every six months, depending on how my boobs are behaving. And, yes, those are scary and a little uncomfortable and sort of amazing with what our bodies can do. But can you imagine if a man had to put his kiwis in there? That’s what I think of as the technician is moving me around before asking me to hold my breath. Get one every year, girls. Most insurance policies cover them at no cost and if you don’t have insurance, there are still some clinics that are no- or low-cost. California offers free breast and cervical cancer screenings. I’ll post the link in the notes.

https://www.dhcs.ca.gov/services/every-woman-counts/

I, too, am not a fan of antibiotics…being over-used. When I had a buccal tumor removed, I didn’t take the antibiotics prescribed because it was a quick and simple procedure that removed a clump of tissue less than a centimeter long and took about five minutes to do. Now, if something went wrong and I gave myself sepsis, I would take ownership of that choice and admit my foolishness. And you’d better believe if I’m going under and they are taking out other stuff, I’ll take what I’m told to take. There is some logic involved in choices like these, but here’s what I don’t understand:

If someone is feeling depressed — like the “I don’t want to get out of bed, ever” variety — why not take something for it? There are many, many options. And if you’re worried about feeling numb, well, how does depression feel? Take the medicine. It’s not a tattoo. You don’t have to be on it forever, unless it improves your life and you see the point of taking it for as long as you need to. And what if you started feeling good? Imagine that possibility.

I’m a California girl. A native of Los Angeles. I get the “I don’t want to put anything unnecessary in my body” take. Unless you have a face full of Botox and fillers, or you smoke. You kind of lose the “unnecessary” argument with all of that. 

What’s unnecessary is not taking care of ourselves, not protecting ourselves. And I know that, in America, getting basic care is expensive and may be out of reach for some, if not many. And isn’t that awful? We should do something about that. Like vote better.

If you have insurance, if you have the means to take care of yourself, why wouldn’t you? Really, I’m asking. Because I don’t understand that.

I mean, sure, I do. I get fears and self-sabotage. But ignoring signs and symptoms won’t make the problem go away or become any cheaper. Quite the opposite.

And we can delay getting better by listening to people who seem to have facts, but really don’t. I’m sure they think they do. But let’s verify.

I was told by a hairdresser that, “Seventy percent of women lose 30% of their hair.” And, you know, I kind of bought that. Because, being a woman means having all sorts of fun shit happen to you that no one really researches or has any answers for. So people just make things up to sound informed or wise or whatever and they pass that on to others like it’s truth and that get passed on again and so on. However, what was really going on with me is that I have a fun form of alopecia — frontal fibrosing alopecia, to be precise — wherein once the hair is gone, it stays gone. Forever. Thank gawd it was slow moving and I finally mentioned it to my derm. Now, I’m on two medications for it. 

Women are constantly told whatever is ailing them is normal or part of aging and not it’s not. 

It’s that women are under-studied and ignored. Do me and you a favor and bring up whatever questions or concerns you have with your doctor, and if they don’t listen, get a new doctor. And maybe not get statistics without a cited source. I learned a big lesson from that.

My PCP didn’t want me to go on HRT because I have sparkly boobs. Calcifications can be a precursor for cancer. But, I did my research, talked to a menopause specialist then went to my gyno and recited the facts to her — that our hearts kill us more than our boobs do and HRT can be safe, even for someone who sparkles. “You did your homework,” she said with a smile, and gave me my Rxs. Because, no, I’m not going to be a martyr. Hot flashes are fucked up. She put me on the lowest doses. Which made me ravenously, insatiably hungry. With her permission, I cut those two tiny pills in half and it’s just what I needed. It’s not about perfection; it’s about collaboration and communication. That’s how we get better.

And the anti-sunscreeners? You wanna know why GenX looks so young for the most part? Sunscreen. It became a thing when we were teens. And thank you, science, for that. Seriously, we are the generation who went from baking in the sun slathered in baby oil (I even know someone who used Wesson Oil, not kidding), to lounging under an umbrella wearing a minimum 50 SPF with a hat on. We learned. We got better.

Let’s keep in mind that people make money off of our fears. And even if you aren’t buying anything from them, they are costing you by instilling fear and resistance, by keeping you from getting better. And the longer we wait to get better, the more expensive it will likely be. 

Getting better doesn’t mean being perfect. No one is perfect and the people that strive for perfection are so very boring. Getting better means taking care of ourselves the best we can. Going to the doctor. Flossing. Seeing the dentist. Giving yourself a pedi. Putting on your SPF. And a cute hat.

Part of being happy is having self-respect and confidence, not to mention a big scoop of self-love. And that’s really what this boils down to. 

I get not wanting to go to the doctor. I used to have white-coat hypertension. Not all doctors are great or warm-and-fuzzy. Find a new one. It might be a process depending on your insurance; do it anyway. Because the ripple effect I harp on about works in more than one way. The stress someone might feel about their health and getting help ripples over to their loved ones. And showing the bravery of taking care of something that can feel scary — yep, even getting your teeth cleaned — ripples, too.

We get to be the change we want to see. And when we change, we change the world. Look at all the effing power we have in that regard. Wield it well. It’s what happy rebels do. So let’s get better, shall we? xo