Once upon a time, I kind of got into a little tiff with a friend who absolutely did not believe she needed to love herself in order to fully love another person. That was her hill. And I was like there are so many other hills. Why this one? 

Because our relationships with ourselves are so fucking complicated. And with a little work, we can uncomplicate them.

Do I love myself? Yes. Do I think I’m perfect, or close to it? Hell no! 

I think we need to understand what self-love is, what self-acceptance is, the importance of self-compassion, and learn to have a good relationship with ourselves because, look, we are stuck with ourselves all day, every day. We might as well really fucking like ourselves, right? Why not take it one step further and fall in love?

We should also notice our self-talk, because we will say shit to ourselves that we would never say to another human. Or, if we did, we’d need to be able to run fast and hide. And that inner voice typically belongs to other people who planted seeds of doubt and derision. But we can silence them by learning to talk to ourselves with respect. The way we would a friend. Because that’s important.

We have a few people in ourselves that we need to get to know: our current self, our future self, and our inner child, and that inner child has typically seen some shit, been through some shit, and knows some shit. Mostly, though, that inner child needs to be seen, heard and empowered in the ways she may not have been. 

Current self is doing her best. Constantly evolving, only back-pedaling on occasion. She, too, needs to be seen, heard and empowered.

Future self, though, she just needs to be heard. Because she’s been there, done that, has your t-shirt and wants to show you the way. Because, honestly, we know what we need to do to get where we want to be, right? We do. We just don’t, for whatever reason.

When we start looking at our full self as an ally, not an enemy, when we start treating ourselves as kindly and courteously as we do our loved ones, shit shifts. It’s part of self-respect and self-compassion. Part of our growing confidence as we nurture our eudaimonic wellness.

Have we done things that we are ashamed of, embarrassed by or disappointed with? Of course we have! That is part of the human experience. That is part of growth and gaining wisdom. And you can’t drag that crap around with you forever. You have to find a way to process it and let it go.

Don’t like something about yourself? Change it. 

I didn’t like being late. So I stopped being late. I did what I needed to do to make sure I wasn’t. And, 98% of the time, I’m on time.

I didn’t like getting a sinus infection that lasted six weeks every year, so I researched and changed my diet and I no longer get any sinus infections.

I didn’t like being angry and feeling meh all the time, so I became a Happyist.

None of these changes happened over night. All of these changes took effort. And all of these changes made me a better friend to me. I liked myself more. I liked how I treated myself better. I liked how good I felt.

Being your own bestie isn’t about vanity. It isn’t even about being a lone wolf and thinking you’ve got everything covered, including your own back. It means getting to know yourself better, supporting yourself better, making sure you have what you need to be your best self and, really, most of that comes for free. 

Knowing who you are and loving who you are is fantastically badass. Don’t let anyone or anything stop you from being that. xo