Hello. We are back for Season 3 of Happy Rebel, stepping into full summer, and I want to ask: 

How are you doing right now? 

Me? Well, I see the world. The hot garbage dumpster fire that it is. And I also see the light emerging at the end of this shitty tunnel. Do you see it, too?

I talk to a lot of people who just feel so effing overwhelmed. And, because of that overwhelm,  they have a hard time being present. There's just too much bad news coming at them all the time. How can we be present to that? Isn't it better to be distracted? 

Believe it or not, no.

Because if you are distracted and/or overwhelmed, you might miss the light. You may not see the good sprouting up around us. We need to be present for that.

Let’s define what being present means to you first. Because we can latch onto a definition that can limit us rather than seeing there are multiple meanings and nuances that give us room to navigate. Maybe not be too literal, too rigid with it. Widen our view.

Believe me, I am a literal person who may or may not be a bit rigid. I loathe the fact that “literally” can also mean “figuratively”...and I believe that was the turning point — when things really started going to pot. Because figuratively is a perfectly good word. Use it! So is inexplicable. Use that, too. Anyway, back to the point.

There is more than one way to be present. We get to choose our way. Macro or micro, and anywhere in between. How do you experience being present? Macro? Micro? Somewhere in between?

The best place to start is being present with ourselves, within our lives. The micro version. We start there because that’s where we have the most power. And we do have power. It just may not feel like it all the time. Partly, because we aren’t being present.

From being present with ourselves, we can be present to more, if and when we feel able. And each day, hour, minute is different. We have to be present to that, too.

And here’s some late-breaking news: We can't do all the things! We should know that by now. But we are human and like to complicate stuff. 

We can’t do all the things and we can't be present to all the things. Knowing that is being human and simplifying stuff. We should do that more often.

We can't take on the weight of the world and think we're going to function just fine. We cannot. And, you know what? We never could. It’s not just now that this is hard. Now is just when it’s all happening everywhere, all at once. Or feels that way. There has always been plenty of garbage going on. We, here in the US, are getting our all-you-can-eat, heavy-handed dose of it at the moment. Some of us for the first time. Others have the t-shirt.

Macro. Micro. Somewhere in between. Find where you are most comfortable.

I don’t ignore or sugarcoat things, or pretend everything is fine. That’s what the toxically positive do. Nope. I want to be present. I want to be aware. I want the reality. But there’s only so much I can take. No shame in that. I’ve learned that not only do I have to know my limits, I have to respect them. 

Do you know your limits? Do you respect them? Hard, right? But knowing them and respecting them is a strength, not a weakness.

We don’t have to push ourselves to power through this and then wonder why we need to zone out, numb out, check out. That’s where we operate at a net-loss. We can’t do that to ourselves. We need to be present.

Maybe not macro. Maybe micro or a little more than that.

Being present in your own life shows you where you actually have control. Even if you feel like you don’t have any control, you do. 

You get to decide how you feel about something. You get to decide how you’re going to handle yourself. You have that power — that control — no matter what. And that’s pretty cool. We just need to remember that.

We think our emotions are in charge. It might even feel like they are in charge. They aren’t. Nor should they be.

I love emotions. They’re so important. They are teachers and messengers…and, sometimes, they are like toddlers coming down from a sugar high. We should never ignore or suppress our emotions. But we should decide how long they stay at the party. 

In order to be healthy, we have to process our emotions fully. And there is a difference between processing our emotions and marinating in them. We decide if we are going to marinate in them. We do, not the emotions. And, look, I am one to fully embrace a good tantrum every once in a while. It can be cathartic and satisfying. However, I’ve come to find that pity parties get boring after a few minutes, but sometimes we need to RSVP to one or two, just to remember why we don’t enjoy them like we used to. 

Process your emotions. No need to marinate in them. Listen to what they’re telling you, learn from them, and let them move on.

Once we’re comfortable being present with ourselves, in our lives and our world, we decide what else we can take on and be more present to. That “somewhere in between”. And we can continue to grow in that way as we learn our limits and how to respect our boundaries. 

I am present to what's going on in the world. I like being informed. I still subscribe to newspapers and magazines, get the news alerts on my phone, follow trusted sources on various platforms. And I have my limits.

I read the headlines and as much of the article as I can tolerate, and then I stop. Sometimes, I’m able to go back and finish the article and other times I move on. That’s not being chicken or an uninvolved citizen of the Earth; that’s knowing my limits and respecting my boundaries, understanding how much I can take in, and that differs each day. Some days, I’m like BRING IT! Other days, I just can’t and it’s baby goat reels. That’s human. Allow yourself the same.

What's important to remember is what’s in our control, what’s out of our control, and being present to each. 

What's in our control is how we behave in this world. Voting, being the best version of ourselves, having compassion, advocating, educating. Operating with honesty, integrity, kindness, self-respect. Just doing that much is a huge effing deal. Imagine everyone being kind, respectful, and their best selves every day. Right? And how doable that actually is.

If you’re one who wants to take to the streets in protest, do that. If you aren't able to, do not feel guilty. There are other ways to make change. There's not one way to go about this. Just like there’s not one way to be present. We always have options.

We’re in a marathon and yet we want to sprint. Ten years in with a ways to go. So let’s pace ourselves the best we can. Understanding where our limitations lie, and respecting them, is important. That allows us to be more present, not less. Because we’re taking control.

Macro one minute. Micro another. Somewhere in between the next.

You are allowed to ask: When do I need to stop? How do I need to take care of myself? Where do I need to think about things in a different way? That’s being present.

And being present is where we find our happiness. 

When we show up in our eudaimonic wellbeing, with our energy at a higher frequency — when we share that — we are shifting things. It may not seem like it at the moment, but we are. Trust me. Good things are starting to happen. Notice them. Be present to them. 

I mean, I was at the grocery store the other morning to pick up office birthday cupcakes and they were playing “Nocturnal Me” by Echo and the Bunnymen. Not “Lips Like Sugar” but a deep cut. That’s a light at the end of this tunnel. The Knicks won. Another light. Lewis effing Hamilton won his first race for Ferrari, his first win in nearly two years, and that was the first Ferrari win in nearly two years. That is a light at the end of the effing tunnel if you are an F1 nerd, and I am. And I’ll take that light so gladly.

What are the lights, the good that you are seeing? Be present to them, and you’ll start to see more.

There is a shift happening, and the more we shine, the more light we create, the faster the shift will grow. So light it up, baby. Light it up! xo