Believe it or not, I’m a pretty polite person. “Please” and “thank you” are said on the reg. I’m sure I’m not alone. Right, ladies? 

Polite is one of the things that girls are encouraged to be, expected to be. Not sometimes, but always. Reprimanded if we’re not. Being polite becomes engrained to the point we are overly polite. Showing that kindness and respect when it isn’t necessary, earned or warranted. One of the ways we do that is by saying, “I’m sorry,” when we’re not at fault at all. And don’t we regret it right after we’ve said it?

I went into 2026 vowing to stop saying “I’m sorry” when I have nothing to be sorry for, when I’m being overly polite out of bad habit. So far, pretty good. But that wasn’t the only change I wanted to make. 

Another way women can be overly polite is by starting a sentence with, “I think.” It’s a way we soften our language or gently launch an idea. We say, “I think,” when we actually know. It’s absurd. And we do it to make other people comfortable with what we know. Make them feel at ease, like the good hosts we were raised to be. 

Yuck.

I don’t know about you, but I’m done being sorry for being a woman, or taking up space. And I am really done taking on ownership of things that are not my doing or for being certain of what I know. Maybe you feel the same way.

What are we sorry for anyway? 

When I asked myself that question, I realized I’m not sorry. At all.

I mean, if I did something egregious to anyone, of course I would apologize — not out of politeness but because of my ethics and morality. Let them know that I’m regretful for what I’ve caused. That’s just not being polite, that’s being a good human.

I will admit that I do apologize to my car for not seeing that pothole or taking the dip in the road a little too fast. Isabella Rossellini di Fiat has earned that respect, though. Same with Clyde, my WaterRower, when I bump into him. Which I tend to do a lot because I live in a teeny tiny place and he’s near a doorway. Yes, they are things. I’m aware of that. But they are things I care for, things that bring me joy and help make my life better. When I say they have earned that respect, I mean it.

But when a random dude bumps into me? “Excuse you,” is the better response. Or, “Seriously?”

It’s hard to break the “sorry” habit, I know. And it is just knee-jerk reaction. But the change is worth the try. 

Like using “Pardon me” in a meeting, when you need something repeated or further explained. It’s a much better response than “Sorry”. It will likely confuse people because it sounds old-timey and seems to come with a sardonic twist. 

I switched over to “I believe” instead of “I think”. It sounds more assertive, wouldn’t you agree? Part of the habit of using these phrases is to transition the conversation. Find other things to say instead. Anything but “I’m sorry” or “I think”. Please? It’s a daily battle to be sure, and one worth fighting.

Here’s something I want to assert: Apologizing isn’t a sign of weakness. And anyone who believes that is an arrogant asshole. Apologizing shows compassion and morality, and taking responsibility. But we don’t need to say “I’m sorry” when someone else has done something wrong…or when nothing wrong has happened at all! As a matter of fact, I purposely choose to use, “I apologize” or “Apologies” instead of “I’m sorry” just to shatter the pattern.

Do a little experiment and see the gendered-ness of saying sorry. See how many times the men around you say it as opposed to the women. Pay attention to when you say it or just have the urge to. Then pay attention to how good it feels to not say it.

This shift is part of standing in our power, of taking up space, of refusing to be small or less than. To only take accountability for what we’re actually accountable for. Being that kind of rebel.

Look, I like being polite. I’m not going to stop being polite. Being polite makes me happy. You know what else makes me happy? Letting others own their accountability and take responsibility. Because, seriously? Some people really need to learn how to do that. xo