We were sort of raised to believe that anything worth having comes at a cost. It’s hard to achieve. You’ve got to sacrifice, work all hours of the day and suffer for what you want in life. For a long time, I believed that. And, sometimes, those very limiting beliefs still creep in. But a lot of that — most of that — is bullshit. Much of it is manufactured to keep people in their places. It’s a nasty blend of patriarchy, capitalism and elitism that affects us all. And while some of that nastiness is dissolving, it’s fossilized in other areas. 

So let’s be disrupty by letting go of those limiting beliefs and start looking for the easier, saner, more enjoyable path.

The attitude of, “If I had to suffer, so should you,” is slowly going the way of the dodo. And thank gawd for that. It’s the Boomer way of doing things. The same generation that broke every safety net that gave them a boost in life, just to be sure that no one ever got it as good as they did. I’m doing so much personal redacting right now. I deserve a gold star.

Anyway, we get stuck with those mindsets that are so pervasive, we believe them completely and limit ourselves accordingly. Thinking there’s a single path we have to take, and much of that path is going to be rough and then, only if we’ve truly proven ourselves, will we get the dangling carrot…or not. And, if not, that will be our fault, not that the system is rigged.

Then there’s ageism, which really is a thing, especially if you’re a woman. About five years ago, when I was on a job hunt, there wasn’t a dear friend over 50 who didn’t have a story for me about one of their dear friends over 50 who couldn’t find a job in her industry (granted, many of those tales came from the entertainment sphere), and either they had to take a pay cut or change careers or both.

So I steeled myself for that potential reality. Then I started getting interviews. A lot of interviews. For pretty good jobs with decent pay. There were second interviews and job offers. And I can’t say that they were dream jobs, but they were good-enough jobs. 

To be honest, my dream job is doing this work…which, to me, isn’t work. But I needed a steady paycheck, so I took one of those jobs, then went on to share my story with dear friends letting them know all hope is not lost. Times change, all sorts of things change and we don’t have to believe that what was true for others has to be true for us.

Having said that, I’m a big believer in anecdotal evidence, especially when it comes to the female experience and women’s health, both of which are understudied and viewed from a patriarchal lens. It’s good to take in that data while also not being confined or defined by it. Knowledge should be power, not a block.

I love the stories of people who just didn’t know any better, didn’t know how hard things were supposed to be, and just did their own thing their own way and walked through the door to their dreams. The ones who sent in their demo tape to the head A&R guy and somehow he listened to it and signed them. The writers who just submitted their work to the big agent or publisher, missed the slush pile and ended up with a big book deal. They weren’t told about the hoops to jump through or the gate keepers to maneuver around…the rules of it all. They just did it. And they got it.

So, what’s stopping us from just doing it? 

Believing it’s hard. Believing there are rules and obstacles meant to hinder and hobble us. The Darwinism of it.

Let me tell you a wonderful thing about The Universe: It’s very accommodating. If you believe something is true, it will make it true. If you think something will be hard, well, who is The Universe to prove you wrong? It’s polite like that. And it’s not just The Universe, it’s ourselves. Gawd, don’t we love to be right? Even about the wrong things. So, if we believe something will be difficult, by golly, we are going to be right about that.

Now, I’m not stepping into toxic positivity or any of that bullshit. Quite the opposite. We create the barriers with those limiting beliefs. And, because of those barriers, we don’t see the opportunities or the easier path. We are focused on shit being hard, and being right about that. And there might also be a slightly twisted desire in wanting to overcome those obstacles so we’ll feel super heroic when we finally accomplish the goal. 

Does any of this feel familiar? Where’re my GenX peeps at? This was how we were raised. By Boomers. And I’m still self-redacting.

We can shift all this pretty simply, just by asking, “What if this is easy?” That’s it. Or, “How could this be easier?” It’s letting curiosity in, making room for the possibility that it doesn’t have to be that hard or, at least, less hard. No bullshit. No toxic positivity. Just openness to what could be.

The shift for me, those five years ago when I was looking for a new job, was big. I had been through bouts of unemployment that lasted way longer than they should have. More than once. It’s fucking scary. Now, I could have gone in with the belief that, “Here we go again. It’s going to take forever to get a job. I’m going to blow through my savings and lose all the ground I’ve gained.” And who could blame me? I had facts and evidence to back that mindset up, right?

Fortunately, I couldn’t allow that to be true for me any longer. I understood the facts and data and the anecdotal evidence. I didn’t ignore any of that; I just didn’t let it limit me. I kept an open mind. I was ready to receive opportunities. And those opportunities came. And, no, they weren’t perfect. But that’s another limiter. Trust the opportunity. Let it evolve and expand. Some pretty nice things have come from that not-so-perfect, good-enough job.

I have friends going through struggles right now, and I see how their limiting beliefs are blocking them. To the point they won’t even put feelers out there to see what’s possible. “Well, my co-worker got laid off and she still hasn’t found anything. It’s bad out there.” And that is likely true. But, maybe it’s not. Her experience doesn’t have to be your experience. And her experience doesn’t necessarily have to be her experience either. 

When we shift our perspective to curiosity and let ourselves be open to possibility, we allow things to be easier. That’s not to say they won’t come with challenges. They probably will. Or maybe they won’t. This isn’t putting on rose-colored glasses and good-vibes-only-ing it. It’s removing the dark cloud we let block out the light shining on what could be, should be, might be, will be. It’s letting go of the way we were told it’s going to be and allowing it to unfold.

What if it is easy? Imagine that. Imagine if you were just neutral about it. Not worrying or wishful-thinking, but receptive to the possibilities. Doesn’t that sound easier already? 

When we start to see that what we think of as fact or the reality of a situation is more of a block or limiting belief, we take away that power from the blocks and beliefs and return it to ourselves. When we do that, more will open up for us. What was true once doesn’t have to be true again. And our desire to be right about things — to anticipate a bad outcome in order to be less disappointed — is a disservice to ourselves. 

The world is hard enough. We don’t need to make things harder for ourselves. Be rebellious and break those bleak beliefs. Be open to it being easier than expected, and it likely will be.