What are the reasons you aren’t happy right now, or happier if you do consider yourself to be a happy person? Is the list long or short? Does it involve things in your control or out of it?

I’m sure there are very many truly valid reasons you aren’t your happiest self right now. And I want to tell you that not only can you be happy right now, you should be. Because that is what will make a significant difference…in your life and others, and the world.

One of the reasons people don’t pursue happiness is because they believe it’s temporary. That it will be pulled away from them, so why bother?

Another reason is the world. Have you seen it lately? It is a dangerous dumpster fire that keeps us stressed out, scared, sad and angry. Besides, there are other/better/more important things to focus on.

Or some feel that they haven’t earned or deserve their happiness. They are delaying it for when they achieve that goal or have that thing or everything is perfect.

All of that, while feeling very valid, is a load of crap. Total merde. 

If you’ve listened from the start, you know I’m weird with words. I’m the one who can’t stand “gratitude”, right? So, if the word “happiness” is a turn-off, if you associate it with blissful ignorance or toxic positivity or a trivial pursuit, I get it. Instead, think of it as Self-Health. That’s not my lisp getting in the way. I did, in fact, say Self-Health. Because isn’t that what happiness is — creating wellness and balance in every aspect of your life? And eudaimonic wellbeing, while accurate, is not the sexiest term. It’s a little clunky.

Being happy generates holistic health — in mind, body and spirit. And by focusing on that for ourselves, we’ll bring about positive change; change that will ripple-effect out into the world. 

I made the shift for myself, the conscious choice to be happy, at the tail end of 2022, when I just couldn’t take feeling the meh that set in in 2016 another moment longer. I started studying happiness, understanding better what it actually is and who the fuck knew there were two types of happy?!!? Kind of helpful information to have. 

I had been besties with anger pretty much my whole life. It was my protector. I was really good at being angry. That’s not a brag. Let me tell you, it feels like shit.

I think a lot of sensitive people who come from dysfunction and trauma have anger. And anger seemed to serve me well for a very long time. But it’s exhausting. It’s like walking through tar in a weighted vest. 

Through these three-and-a-half years, not many of which have been pleasant — if only we could have nice things — my happiness has gotten stronger, deeper and more fun. I’m not quick to anger at all. I’ll get irritated, but even that doesn’t last, because I know it’s pointless. I don’t react anymore; I respond. Even when that total dolt rear-ended me last November. Did I rip his head off? No. I mean, I wasn’t pleasant. It’s hard to be pleasant when you’re shaking and trying to figure out what the fuck is going on, but I kept my cool. I didn’t let it ruin my day. Or any day in the five-and-a-half months it took to resolve the issue. But, I did get everything I wanted in the end. Happiness has given this Aries new-found patience.

Happiness keeps me curious rather than critical or cynical. I wonder why things are the way they are rather than taking them as a personal affront or thinking the Universe is conspiring against me. Shit happens. Move on and make a new plan. I’m clear about what’s in my control, and what’s out of it. What actions are mine to take, and what others are responsible for.

The last four weeks were rude as hell. And that’s saying something in this decade. So much going on, deadlines and the pressure that goes with that, and while I felt the stress, I was still in a good mood. Still was able to laugh, even when I walked into a glass wall. It’s fine to laugh, too. I sure did. Fortunately, my knee hit first but the thud of it startled everyone in the office. I walk really fast, so there was an impact. But, no big deal. I carried on setting up for the meetings we had that day and getting shit done, and still laughing about that because, FFS, I knew someone was eventually going to do that…and the lucky sucker was me.

I feel all of my feelings, but I don’t marinate in the ones that aren’t helpful. I don’t ruminate over bullshit. I mean, my ego will start it up, and then I’ll kibosh it because it’s pointless. Of course, every once in a while, a little tantrum can be cathartic and enjoyable. But, for the most part, I’ll swear a little bit, and move on. Because, when your eudaimonic wellbeing is solid, you know what matters and what doesn’t. What’s purposeful and what isn’t. What’s worth your time and effort and what can fuck right off.

Another reason why people avoid investing in their happiness is because they think they’ll have to change. Nope. Happiness allows you to be the very true you. You don’t have to start wearing Birkenstocks and patchouli to be happy (though, I do love my Madrids, but total pass on the patchouli). I still swear, flip off asshole drivers, and will give a jerk a piece of my mind. I am opinionated as fuck and not shy about sharing it. Nine Inch Nails remains my favorite band. No one would confuse me with a saint. Because happiness isn’t about being perfect.

Let’s think for a second about who it benefits when you are un- or under-happy. The Man.

Unhappy people make very good consumers, because they believe that something external will fill the void inside. So they buy buy buy buy things in hopes it will change them and their lives. 

Unhappy people feel less powerful and optimistic. They believe things will never change, so they don’t vote, because their vote doesn’t matter. Convenient for some, yes?

Unhappy people feel stuck and accept the status quo, especially when it comes to employment and possible opportunities. They feel less deserving and figure this is it, as good as it gets so they don’t take chances, don’t ask for raises or advancement, and don’t realize there might be a better place for them elsewhere. The devil you know is their comfort zone.

Haven’t we all at one time or another experienced those feelings when we were un- or under-happy? Of course. It’s human, not a flaw. But happiness gives us clarity and confidence, and empowerment.

The misconception with happiness is that it’s giddy. It’s not. It’s calm. Grounded. Centering. It’s the Buddha’s grin. I’m not skipping through the streets. I live in the real world. I know the shitstorm we are in. That doesn’t mean we can’t or shouldn’t be happy. Happy people will shift things. Happy people have the strength and resilience to fight the good fight. It’s the inflatable frog-suited bravery that can hip-wiggle the bad guys back. (That’s still one of the greatest things I’ve ever seen.) 

We are watching what I believe is The Great Unhappiness. We have all the money, information, technology and opportunity to really make positive change…and look what got voted in. We see, first hand, what happens when unhappiness is in charge. That should be enough for everyone to say, “Damn, I do need to make this happy shit a priority.”

It’s pretty simple: Everything you want to achieve in life comes from eudaimonic happiness — success, love, confidence, balance, inner peace, world peace. Happiness is a superpower. It makes you un-fuck-with-able and the truest you. So let yourself be as happy as you can, right now, as is. It’s worth it. And it is rebellious AF. xo