I was going to title this episode “Care Less”, but I figured that would just piss off a bunch of people who didn’t need any more to be pissed off about. Because it’s not about not giving a shit, but understanding where our egos stir up distress when there really doesn’t need to be any. Caring less about things that don’t matter when we have so much going on that does.

Raise your hand if you ruminate over wrongs done to you and then concoct your perfect response to the wrongdoer. Go ahead. My hand is up. Because this is a very human response to an affront. We don’t like what was done to us and we don’t like how we handled it. And I would like to tell you that we are making a big deal out of shit that really doesn’t matter.

And that’s the great part. Once we realize that we’re making mountains out of molehills, it’s pretty fucking liberating. Because that sort of rumination is led by the ego. And our ego can be a petty asshole. Yes, one of the jobs of our ego is to protect us…but, really, it’s just protecting itself.

How often do you bring home work with you? Not the actual papers and your laptop, but the slights and rudeness you’ve experienced? If it’s not work, maybe it’s an interaction with a friend, acquaintance or loved one. 

In the shower or while you’re driving, you go over that scene of what was said and done, and what you really wanted to do about it. The things you should’ve said, how you should have responded, and what you will do if given the opportunity.

And the result is that now you’re totally pissed off about something that happened days or weeks or years ago. And for what? Your ego! 

Isn’t that just ridiculous? You’ve wasted all that time and energy over something that just does not effing matter in the grand scheme of things, or even the miniature scheme.

We do this because the ego likes to address every single bruise it’s ever gotten. Doesn’t matter how deep or superficial, it wants to win. At all costs. And the one who pays the price is you. Me. Us.

Now, imagine being in that ego-spiral and taking a moment to say, “This does not fucking matter,” and meaning it. Really. Give it a try. Because it does not fucking matter, and the sooner we realize that, the freer and happier we’ll be, with more time to focus on stuff that actually is meaningful.

Is it important to stand up for yourself? Absolutely. Is it important to have your boundaries respected? 100%. What we need to discern, though, is: is this a personal matter that needs to be addressed or is it our ego having a tantrum? I’m going to say about 90% of the time, it’s our ego wigging out. 

The cool thing about having our eudaimonic wellbeing on point is that we have a clear perspective. And all we need to do is ask the question: Does this really matter? And, likely, the answer is Nah. I mean, our ego will scream, “YES! Yes, it’s super effing important!!!” But our inner voice will stick with Nah. 

We get to rise above it. We don’t have to take it personally. We don’t have to ruminate on it. We don’t have to waste time in the shower or brushing our teeth or driving, creating soliloquies on what we should’ve said to the asshat that irked us. 

If you’re having issues at work, you have choices. 

You can address the matter if addressing the matter will be productive. And if it won’t, you can see your job for what it is: A place to go to collect a check that helps you pay your way through life. And if that isn’t enough, you can start looking for something new and better.

If it’s a relationship, same thing. Address the issue if you feel it will help the situation. If not, make choices on how you want to continue the relationship with clearer boundaries, or — if it makes more sense — to step away.

This is what being the bigger person looks and feels like. And not just in the scenario, but in life. 

It’s similar to giving zero fucks, except it’s knowing that it was never worth giving a fuck about in the first place. And the more you practice this — asking if this really matters, if it’s really important — the sooner you’ll be able to do this in real time. That’s the cool part. Right when your ego starts up, you can quash it and move onward immediately. No drama, no rumination, just liberation.

This is part of stepping into being your higher self. And your higher self is cool AF. 

This is also part of the Buddhist philosophy of how attachment causes suffering. We suffer when we’re attached to an outcome. We suffer when we let our ego spiral with what we could have/should have done…because how often do we act on those rehearsals? Not too often, right? So what’s the point of them? Do we feel better after them? Doubt it. I mean, if you do, if that’s your form of catharsis, go for it. If you don’t feel relief, if all it does is rile you up, stop it. It’s pointless, and you are upset over not a whole lot.

Set boundaries with your ego. Understand its purpose but remember its position. It’s not in charge. It is not wise nor is it a benevolent ruler. It’s a toddler heading for a sugar crash. Give it a binky and tell it to take a nap while the grown-up in the room figures this out. This will keep your happiness growing, and it’s another fine way to rebel. xo