One day, I’ll give you the full list of all the words I don’t like in the arena of self-development. We’ve covered Coach and Gratitude; now we can add Manifesting to it. Abundance, as well.
 
So many of these words have been warped by toxic positivity and co-opted by grifters that I just can’t. So, I don’t. Even though I do have certifications in Law of Attraction and Trauma-Informed Abundance. LOL. I know. There is good work within these fields, but it’s also a little groady.
 
I’m not so much about manifesting as I am about attracting. Being magnetic in life and just drawing good things to you. Abundance? I’d rather have plenty, a profusion, a plethora or copious amounts. It makes it more fun, right?
 
Part of being a happy rebel is creating the life you want, being the person you want and having what you want. Not in a toddler-having-a-tantrum way, but in living a truly satisfying life. Satisfying for you, not by anyone else’s definition. Happy Rebels are free to be ambitious, successful, or totally chill with what some would call a quiet life. Do you.
 
This is also part of creating the world we want. Showing everyone there’s plenty of room at the table and wondrous amounts for all to share. So don’t think I’m going all The Secret on you. I’m going beyond that. We are going to be attractive. Not manifesty. Attractive.
 
Here’s what I don’t like about Manifesting: It’s right there with Gratitude where it puts the onus on you, like you have to grovel for it and do it just right or else, and it makes you do a bunch of homework. I’m not a big fan of homework. 

Manifesting makes it sound like it’s a bunch of magic that only a chosen few will ever master. If you failed at it, dude, that’s on you. You weren’t in your right mindset. You did your affirmations wrong. Gag. Barf. Vomit. That’s why I can’t stand that M-word. 

It also seems to focus a whole lot on materialism, which is gross. That’s the thing I couldn’t stand about The Secret. They made it seem like all you had to do was envision a truly tacky, very expensive necklace and, with mind tricks, you’ll get it! 

Nope. No. That’s not how it works. But isn’t that how you were introduced to manifesting and the Law of Attraction? My bet is probably. Again, we are taught that things matter. And then we are left wondering why things don’t keep us happy.

This is why I would rather be attractive, be utterly magnetic, than a manifester of any sort.

Let’s think about a magnet, shall we? Let’s picture the cartoony one that’s horseshoe-shaped with red ends. I had one as a girl. Effing loved that thing. Anyway…

Magnetic energy is a current, right? And we can feel that current when we are, air quotes, in the zone or, air quotes, in the flow. And you’ve met people that you were immediately drawn to, who are utterly magnetic. You can feel that energy in the room. It exists. But not everyone feels it in the same way with the same people or in the same situations. Because not everyone wants or needs the same things. 

So we know what we find attractive in that magnetic way. The question is, how do we create the energy within us that attracts, the stuff draws in what we want to us, and takes us to what we need and desire? 

Some teach that if you just think the right thoughts and stare at your vision board while saying affirmations, that’s how you will attract what you want. If you believe that, good luck to you. Let me know how many manifestation courses you’ve taken and how many books you’ve read. Not a judgment. I’d just like to offer a different path.
 
What’s much more powerful than affirmations and vision boards is shifting your shit, getting your energy straight and opening up to receive what you’re asking for.
 
Part of that, like it or not, is getting comfortable with what we want. That means spending time with our dysregulated nervous systems, and OH aren’t they a barrel of laughs. I mean, who isn’t dysregulated AF right now?!!? Exactly. But we can do this together, fellow rebels. Really.
 
Let’s break this down two ways:
 
First, we can’t have anything we don’t believe is possible or that we don’t believe we deserve. Oh, sure, we can get it. Doesn’t mean we’ll keep it. Doesn’t mean there won’t be unpleasant effects. Doesn’t mean we won’t end up further back than where we started.

My favorite example of this is lottery winners who won big and lost bigger. Or maybe this explains the supposed Best Supporting Actress curse. Who knows? But you get where I’m going. 

We got what we hoped for, but we don’t go much beyond that, and sometimes we go backward. This isn’t a flaw or any shortcoming we carry, but a deep belief we have that we may not fully understand.
 
See, not only do we have to believe it’s possible and we deserve it, we have to believe we’ll be safe having it. And that, right there, is where the futhermucker lies.
 
Now this is somewhat science-y. It’s been studied, is still being studied but since it’s not about curing cancer, it’s not making headlines. What I’m talking about is Polyvagal Theory.
 
Polyvagal Theory, in a nutshell, is that our nervous system takes in waaaaay more information than our brain. We think our brain is in charge, but she ain’t as in charge as we’d like to think. She’s a backseat driver, and a loud one. Our nervous system is way ahead of her. And if our nervous system isn’t giving us a green light, we aren’t going anywhere.
 
When I was introduced to Polyvagal Theory, it made so much sense to me. Because I had my mindset right. I BELIEVED, in all caps, bold, italic and underlined. I have leapt and that effing net did not appear. And I believed again, leapt and went splat. And again. And then I said fuck it. Not leaping anymore. I’ll take the stairs.
 
When I spent some time with my nervous system — yes, we are in the woo zone — I really saw where my limits were. Where the protections were set. And I understood why.
 
The nervous system has many names in this regard. We can call it ego or inner child or our subconscious. No matter what we call it, its only job is to keep us safe.
 
Now, our idea of safe and its idea of safe rarely line up. You might see being a wealthy, successful entrepreneur changing the world for the better as safe. But, if you aren’t making much headway with that goal, it’s likely because your nervous system/ego/inner child/subconscious is giving it the kibosh. It doesn’t see that as safe. Right where you are is safe. Doesn’t matter how unhappy you are; it doesn’t care if you’re happy, it only cares if you’re safe. And it knows you’re safe — even if where you are might be unsafe — because you are alive. That’s all the proof of being safe it needs. You’re breathing, you’re alive, it’s alive; everyone is safe.
 
And that is fucking annoying. How do we shift out of that? Well, it takes some work, and the work is not one-and-done. It requires time and new proof.

Here’s the deal, though: You cannot force, cajole, bully or bullshit your nervous system into regulating. It takes patience, practice and presence.

If you are trying to achieve a goal or attract something into your life, you need to spend time with your NS, getting it to feel safe with that change. That’s why sometimes vision boards work, and sometimes they don’t, or affirmations sometimes help and other times they don’t. They are sort of meditations that connect you, your NS and your desire together, and feeling good about it. But, that’s the thing: You all have to do is feel good about it. And, sometimes, we really don’t.

Let me ask: When you think about all the wonderful things you want in your life do you also think about the problems that will come with them? Because that’s a natural reaction. That’s logic at play. You follow the natural path and evolution of that dream coming true and there are going to be bumps in the road. And that’s where we can get stuck.

One thing you should know about me is that I identify as Oprah-rich. I would love to have a kajillion dollars so I could do a bunch of good things with it. Example: Families end up unhoused because their rents go up $100 a month. $100 is huge when you are living paycheck to paycheck. But $1,200 to keep a family in their home for a year while they figure out their next steps without a bunch of stress is super cheap. It’s such an easy fix. I just need Oprah to loan me some dough so I can get that going. Call me, O.

Anyway, when I was learning about trauma-informed manifesting, one of the things we had to do was find out where our limits were through meditation. What were the boundaries for our nervous systems? Where did we start feeling unsafe? So I introduced an Oprah-worthy sum to my NS and it said, NOPE! Hard pass. I felt my body tense and sort of freeze. I was more than a little surprised by that reaction. So, I kept lowering the number and lowering it until it reached the amount I had in savings. YEP! Good with that! There we go! But I sort of understood that, too. Right now, we are safe. Nowhere near Oprah-rich, but safe.

And when I thought about it more, I would go down the logical path in my super-wealthy fantasy of what having that kind of fortune would be like, what it would entail. I would have to get lawyers to set up trusts and foundations and LLCs. I would have to hire accountants and people who understand how the city works so we can help those families stay in their homes. Then, of course, who would come a-knockin’ if my Oprah-richness became known? Yes, this is a silly fantasy, but can you also see how, without realizing it, I’m telling my nervous system to be on alert? I am letting it know that’s not really safe and maybe we are better off as-is.

That’s the habit we have to break. And it’s not as easy as saying, “Oh, that was a silly thought. Everything’s cool.” You have to undo that silly thought. You have to get yourself feeling good and safe with those big, big dreams. That’s why it’s easy to start with the smaller things.

I am a pro at attracting good parking, green lights and a decent seat at a restaurant. You should know that I’m a fully-vaxxed NOVID who still masks indoors and requires patio seating, or right next to that big open window, when we dine. My friends are very tolerant, especially in the winter. 

From time to time, I attract opportunities. Those are fun, and there’s one that keeps coming up that I would truly love to complete. It’s interesting what comes in, and what just flirts.

The Oprah-wealth? That will come in time. And that’s the other thing…

We expect the things we want to come ASAP. And, if you are really and truly ready and feeling safe with it, it will come fast. If it doesn’t, you know what to do now. Work on feeling safe with it. Take baby steps to get there.

Another way to be magnetic is to raise your vibe to match that of what you want to attract. Oh, this one really annoys people and I get why. But I also know, it’s pretty true, just not in the gross way it sounds.

The best and easiest way to up our vibe is by being happy. I know, cheesy, right? But totally effing true. Think about it. When you are really your better self, when you are in a super good mood and in a higher energy from that, what do you notice? Do people come up and say hi to you, introduce themselves? Do they hold open doors, pay you compliments? Give you free fries? I’ve had that happen. Love it. 

When we are in a higher vibe, things come to us. We may not even notice all of them until after the fact. So that’s the goal. Be in a higher vibe, a raised frequency, to start drawing what you want to you.

And, when you are in a higher vibe, when you are in the flow, you feel safe, right? 

It’s hard to feel safe right now. Not gonna lie. I see the world. I see what’s happening. This isn’t about pretending that everything is groovy and all good. It ain’t. 

What I am saying is that we can spend some time with ourselves, and get to know where we are feeling limited and expand from there. Focusing on our eudaimonic wellbeing — yes, our happiness — we start building inner strength. We gain clarity and resilience. Presence. Fortitude. And we become magnetic. We start to attract more good in our lives because we are putting good out there. And don’t we need more good in the world?

And the good we put out can just be our vibe. If you don’t feel brave enough to go out and film or protest, there’s no shame in that. If you don’t have money to donate, honey, been there. There are other ways to contribute and participate. I think the best way is to be the change we want to see. Change your life, change the world. It’s the ripple effect we need. It sounds passive. But it’s fucking not.

I’ll ask this again — yes, again: Who do you think is stronger? A happy person or an angry one. The inclination is to choose angry. It’s bigger, it’s louder, it’s scarier. But angry people nearly collapsed when they were called “weird”, right? Keep that in mind.

The point of this rebelling is to create the world we want. The world we should’ve had already, if the people in charge were doing their jobs. But they weren’t. Now we have a lot of cleaning-up and catching-up to do. And we will. Anger and fear got us here. Happiness will get us out and where we want to be.

So, please, spend some time getting to know your nervous system/inner child/ego/subconscious and see where it might be keeping you from being as attractive as you deserve to be. Work on raising your vibe and feeling safe with your goals, and see what comes to you. Then, imagine what it would look like if we all worked on raising our vibes, if we were all coming from a higher energy. Not too shabby, right? 

This ep wraps up our first season of Happy Rebel. I want to thank you for being part of this wee rebellion. While we are on a brief hiatus, be sure to catch up on any missed episodes and share HRP with friends. 

If you miss the weekly conversation, you can join me each Wednesday at The Happyist Substack. Now through April 10th, I’m offering 20% off subscriptions for one year. And, if you’re listening to this ep after that date, there is always a free week trial waiting for you.

I hope you’ve started to feel the change in yourself, and have started to see change around you. It’s happening. Never as quickly as we want. But it’s happening. Keep up the good work. And let me know how it’s going for you. There’s a nifty Contact page at TheHappyist.me. Drop me a line and let me know how being a Happy Rebel is working out for you.