Now is probably the worst time to talk about being happy. But, really, it’s the best.

Once again I have to stress what happiness actually is and is not. Happiness is not being giddy, or blissfully ignorant and it’s absolutely not toxic positivity.

Actually, happiness is really calm, and certain, and present and centered. When I say it’s a superpower, I mean it. And when I say it’s punk as fuck, I mean that, too. It’s self-confidence and resilience. It’s being fully empowered. And don’t we want and need all of that right now?

Easier said than done, I know. And I do know. The first version of this brought me to my knees. Imagine Google-ing “how to be happy” and stumbling upon a course to be a happiness coach. When I say I doubled over laughing, thinking that was the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard, I’m not joking. When I finally caught my breath, I realized, “Holy shit. That’s exactly what I want to do.”

When I told a friend that I had become a happiness coach, she nearly spit out her sparkling water, laughing. “But you’re the most cynical bitch I know,” she said, once she caught her breath. That’s my pal, Amy Dresner. Read her memoir, MY FAIR JUNKIE, and let me know when you get to jail socks.

The reason I’m telling you all this is to let you know I get it, both how hard it can be to be happy and how important it is. I come from a childhood of verbal and emotional abuse. You know what that gives you? A case of infinite anger and blinding rage against injustice. So I’m not sitting here in lotus position telling you to calm down and it’s all going to be okay. No.

What I’m asking you — begging you, really — is to take this happiness shit seriously. Because what we are witnessing right now is the effect of the great unhappiness we’ve been taught to feel. Because happy people aren’t greedy. They aren’t power hungry. They don’t blame other people for their circumstances. They sure as shit don’t take away rights, start wars or get off on oppression. This is why getting happy is what we need to get things going in the right direction.

Tall order in these circumstances, I know. So here’s where I’m suggesting we start:

Bring in joy whenever you can, however you can, as often as you can. And I mean in both big and little ways.

I’m sure you’ve heard the “get to” versus “have to” language switch. Guess what? It works. Why? Because it gets you to start thinking about why what you’re about to do isn’t a bitch or a burden, but an opportunity or luxury.

We take a helluva lot for granted. And that’s not to shame us. We are pretty fucking lucky. 

Take doing the dishes, for example. Do you have a dishwasher? If so, you are pretty fucking lucky. In my teeny tiny place, I do not have one. So I have to do the dishes by hand, literally. But I get to turn on hot water to do them. Hot water is a total luxury, BTW. I get to slide into gloves that are a lovely shade of deep pink and use a dish soap that smells of delicious citrus. I get to have a quiet moment, dance to music or listen to a podcast while I do them. And then they are clean and I get to do something else. Like sit on my butt and watch BritBox.

It’s not a chore or a burden. It’s caring for myself. Grown-up shit. Why resent it or complain about it when we can find a way to enjoy it?

Same for every aspect of life. Especially your home life, where we have a bit more say.

My feeling is you should really like — if you don't totally love or at least respect — every single thing that comes into your home. Meaning the soap you use, the vacuum you have, the cutlery you use. The clothes you wear, the sheets you sleep on. Your mouthwash. Your deodorant. Your decor.

Not everything has to be like, “Oh my gawd, I'm really in love with this microplane ginger grater!” No. You don't have to be crazy over every silly thing that comes into your home, but you know what? You absolutely can be. 

I can't think of anything that I have that I don't really dig. Or at least respect its utilitarianism. I love everything in my house. Otherwise, why is it here? Really. Ask yourself why you allow something into your home — or life — that you don’t enjoy?

The reason may be that you are on a budget. Same. 

We can find things we can afford that we also totally like if not love. Sometimes, we wait for a sale. Sometimes, we explore what’s in our price range and get the best fit from there. But we shouldn’t resentfully bring in stuff that we don’t like. Not as long as we still have a shred of freedom.

My home is not perfect. It’s not at all aspirational. It serves a function, a purpose. But it’s full of things I treasure. Not in a material way, but in a joyful one.

I believe you should walk into any room in your home and find something to smile about. More than one thing, actually. 

Your closet, shelves and drawers should only hold clothes you love to wear and feel good in. I’m not saying run out and buy an entirely new wardrobe, but maybe start getting rid of things you don’t love. Donate them to someone who might love them. Because the things we keep that we don’t enjoy weigh us down. They really do.

And I know where your mind is probably going. Are you thinking about the money you spent? Welp, that money’s gone and keeping all that unwanted, unneeded clutter is not going to bring that money back or make you feel like you’re keeping it in your pocket. Let it go. It will teach you how to choose better. Trust me. I’ve made plenty of silly money mistakes. Two words for you: Purple Broom. IYKYK. Let it go.

And what if you’re surrounded by stuff you don’t like or want and really can’t do anything about that right now? Find a way to appreciate it. Really. Get to/Have to it. After all, it’s providing a service, a use and — soon enough — you’ll be able to change it. Because now you see it for what it is and you know you can make different decisions going forward. Freedom! But there’s no point in resenting what you can’t change or complaining about it. Is that going to change the situation any quicker? Nope. All it’s going to do is stress you out and make you more miserable than you need to be, and we’ve got enough stuff making us miserable right now.

That’s why we need to bring in the joy whenever we can, however we can, any time we can. It sounds like a load of toxic positivity bullshit, but it’s not. It’s a bunch of little shifts that will make a bigger change. You just have to let it. 

A long time ago, and I believe it was at the Monterrey Aquarium, I was told that otters don’t do anything that isn’t fun. Sure, they have to do grown-up otter shit, too. But they find a way to make it fun, entertaining, enjoyable. I try to otter-fy everything. Not in a weird, dorky way, but in a way that makes it suck less. And while that can be seen as setting the bar low, what it actually is is a start.

Because the more we are able to enjoy the little things, the stronger our eudaimonic wellbeing becomes. And when we are happier, we start the ripple effect that will start shifting shit in the direction it needs to go.

I’ll ask again: Who do you think is stronger? An angry person or a happy person? 

And who do you think is wiser?

Happiness is rebellion. It’s internal powerlifting. It is how this never happens again. Because wise, confident, empowered people take care of other people. They want others to thrive. They see the bigger picture and they are framing it now. And they enjoy seeing the shift that’s starting.